Kritik Study Objective – PhD program

Forums Pendidikan Berdasarkan Lokasi Pendidikan di Amerika Kritik Study Objective – PhD program

This topic contains 6 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by Novalia Pishesha Novalia Pishesha 1 year ago.

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  • #4823

    ini salah satu essay yang dikirim pembaca IM ke email kami. Yuk, bantu penulis supaya essaynya semakin bagus!

    Study Objective for PhD program

    Recently, automotive industry has become the main focus in our community, particularly who concern to the technology development. After being stopped in Timor Automotive era, surprisingly, some SMK students (Sekolah Menengah Kejuruan / Vocational High School) succeeded in developing a SUV-like automotive, which named ESEMKA. Does not want it to have the same fate as Timor, Indonesian government takes a very serious attention by giving appreciation to the students and building a plan for the next development. Though has not passed the emission testing, the ESEMKA would likely continue to develop and enhance to fulfill our country’s automotive needs. This automotive growth absolutely requires supporting industries to keep it growing and supply it needs. One of the main supports is manufacturing industry which produces automotive components e.g. car bodies, car frames, deck lid, Fascia, Fender, etc. In order to create the design of the component and send it to real world, manufacturing industry has to use some engineering tools like CAD and CAM System. CAD is used to model the components, while CAM is charged to create tool path and give instruction to CNC machine how to do the job.

    I have been working as a research assistant in CAM system development for over 5 years and have produced intelligent CAM system with many advantages compared with other similar systems. Together with my supervisor who becomes the main researcher, I have created several publications in CAM system field. Our motivation to do this research is to fulfill the needs of excellent CAM system for our industries and to help students in our country to learn CAM system more easily, since the price of a good CAM system is very expensive and not every student is able have and learn it freely. We will make this CAM system Open Source, so everyone can learn it and make an improvement to our system.

    One of the challenges in the current CAM system development is how to automate all processes, including optimum configuration based on 3D model characteristics. Sometimes deciding optimum configuration is a difficult matter, even for a skilled and experienced CNC operator. This decision can significantly influence the quality of manufacturing products. A small mistake, even a slight scratch may cause several defects in the final product. The operator needs much time before he can decide what configuration gives the best result. This is not an easy task since many considerations must be put into account, i.e. how to divide a model into several regions based on its characteristic, what is the best direction for each region, at what coordinate that the tool has to change its direction on the surface model, how deep the tool must get down in each step to cut deeper region, what is the best machining process for each region, and so on. All these tasks can be replaced by automatic model recognition and tool movement’s analyzer techniques. Using such CAM system, CNC machine will have ability to know what tool type and direction to cut some regions, and automatically change the type and direction as soon as it encounters any region with different characteristics. This way of thinking leads to a CAM system that works totally without human intervention.

    I have successfully implemented several techniques regarding characteristics recognition of 3D model. I used total curvature estimation using gauss-bonnet method and spherical image, and integrated them using fuzzy geometry based on control points membership function. It has been implemented and visualized in the CAM system being developed. The aim for my doctoral study is to continue this research, add more characteristics and recognition techniques, and do some real implementations. The current CAM system has not been able to recognize how to do the machining process. It does not know when to use pressing method, turning, drilling, or stamping. I will find other characteristics of faceted model—3D model that is used in the system—and exploit them to combine with the characteristics which have been currently employed using fuzzy integral and information fusion technique. One thing that becomes an obstacle in my research here is that there is not enough facility to do real implementation using real CNC machine and real materials. I hardly ever operated the CNC machine to do machining process based on the output of CAM system. I wish this problem can be solved by doing my research in the United States.

    Besides doing my own research, I love helping my friends in their research activities. They usually discuss about their works and find a solution for the problem given together. This activity gives me at least two advantages. First I can help people and ease their burden, and second, I can gain information about what they are doing, and what methods and techniques can be used to solve recent problems and challenges, and how to implement similar solutions for my own problems which resemble to my friends’. This kind of habit has been internalized and has made me who I am today. This is also what I would exactly do in the US. I will try to do another research beyond what I will be doing and help professors with the lectures. I want to create network among practitioners, industrialists, students, and researchers from all over the world. I want to initiate research based industry which rarely occurs in Indonesia. In This way, the education and industry partnership will not only occur between the USA and Indonesia, but also between both countries and other countries as well. Hopefully this kind of cooperation can be tightened and improved in the near future.

    #4826
    Veni Johanna
    Veni Johanna
    Member

    I really like the technical content of this essay. It is obvious that you know and you are passionate about what you are doing, and it shows. The description of the CAM system is pretty well done – the message came across even to me, who know nothing about this.

    Some thoughts on how to make it better content-wise:
    - the first paragraph is confusing to me. The first 4-5 sentences make me think that this essay is going to be about ESEMKA, which proves to be incorrect in the second paragraph. You spent too much time explaining about ESEMKA (what is Timor Automative era, too?) – I’d suggest cutting the first half of this paragraph. e.g. “The need for cheap vehicles in Indonesia recently gives rise to a surge of automotive innovation in the country – among them a vehicle named ESEMKA, built by a couple of vocational high school students in the country. Such innovation relies heavily on the automotive components and engineering tools, such as the CAD and CAM System. While the former is used to model the components (explain more), the latter creates tool path and gives instruction to …” => I think sth like this brings you to the point faster.

    - the last paragraph stood out among the rest as a quite… fluffy paragraph. Sentences like ” I can help people and ease their burden” are hard to substantiate. I err towards not making big, general statements like these.

    there are multiple grammatical errors in the essay, will post again later to point these out.

    hope this helps –

    #4829

    Good job. It’s hard to provide inputs without knowing what’s being asked from the study objective. Well, assuming my knowledge about ‘study objectives’ applies here: Is this supposed to be read by those who are familiar with the field (i.e., program admission committee, as opposed to general scholarship committee)? If not, I think it’s a little too technical. The story is good to explain about CAD/CAM/CNC, but I don’t think that will serve a ‘study objective’ well. In my opinion, paragraph 1-3 should be shortened to 1-2 paragraph, paragraph 4 should be the focus of the essay and needs to be elaborated (especially on relevance to studying in the US), and paragraph 5 replaced by something more tangible. “Show, don’t tell”. Some grammatical corrections below:

    Panji

    Recently, automotive industry has become the main focus in our community, particularly to those who are concerned about technology development. Considering the discontinuation of “Timor” national car policy, surprisingly, a group of vocational school students succeeded in developing an SUV-like automotive, the ESEMKA. To prevent it from having the same fate as Timor, the Indonesian government takes a very serious attention by giving appreciation to the students and building a plan for the next development stage. The ESEMKA would likely continue to develop and enhanced to fulfill our country’s automotive needs, in spite of some minor failures. This development requires supporting industries to keep it growing and to supply its needs. One of the main supports is manufacturing industry which produces automotive components, such as car bodies and frames, deck lid, Fascia, and Fender. In order to create the design of the components and send it to real world, manufacturing industry has to use some engineering tools like CAD, which is used to model the components, and CAM System to create tool path and give instruction to CNC machine how to do the job.

    I have been working as a research assistant in a CAM system development for over 5 years and have produced intelligent CAM system with many advantages compared with other similar systems. Together with my supervisor, I have published several publications in CAM system field. We are motivated to fulfill the needs of excellent CAM system for our industries and to help students in our country to learn CAM system more easily, since the price of a good CAM system is very expensive hence not every student will be able to obtain one and learn it. We intend to make this CAM system an Open Source ware, so everyone can learn it and make an improvement to our system.

    One of the challenges in the current CAM system development is how to automate all processes, including the optimum configuration based on 3D model characteristics. Deciding an optimum configuration is a difficult matter, even for a skilled and experienced CNC operator. Nonetheless, this decision can significantly influence the quality of manufacturing products. A small mistake, even a slight scratch may cause several defects in the final product. The operator needs much time before he can decide what configuration gives the best result. This is not an easy task since many considerations must be put into account, i.e., how to divide a model into several regions based on its characteristic, what is the best direction for each region, at what coordinate that the tool has to change its direction on the surface model, how deep the tool must get down in each step to cut deeper region, and what is the best machining process for each region. All of these tasks can be replaced by automatic model recognition and tool movement’s analyzer techniques. Using such a CAM system, the CNC machine will have the ability to know what type of tool needed and direction to cut some regions, and automatically change the type and direction as soon as it encounters any region with different characteristics. This way of thinking leads to a CAM system that works totally without human intervention.

    I have successfully implemented several techniques regarding characteristics recognition of 3D models. I employed a total curvature estimation using gauss-bonnet method and spherical image, and integrated them using fuzzy geometry based on control points membership function that has been implemented and visualized in the CAM system being developed. The aim for my doctoral study is to continue this research, to add more characteristics and recognition techniques, and to do some real implementations. The current CAM system has not been able to do the machining process. It does not know when to use pressing method, turning, drilling, or stamping, for example. I will find other characteristics of faceted model—3D model that is used in the system—and exploit them to combine with the characteristics which have been currently employed using fuzzy integral and information fusion technique. One thing that becomes an obstacle in my research here is that there is not enough facility to do real implementation using real CNC machine and real materials. I hardly ever operated the CNC machine to do machining process based on the output of CAM system. I wish this problem can be solved by doing my research in the United States.

    In addition to doing my own research, I love helping my friends in their research activities. They usually discuss about their works and find a solution for the problem given. This activity gives me at least two advantages. First I can help people and ease their burden, and second, I can gain information about what they are doing, and what methods and techniques can be used to solve recent problems and challenges, and how to implement similar solutions for my own problems which resemble to my friends’. This kind of habit has been internalized and has made me who I am today. This is also what I would exactly do in the US. I will try to do another research beyond what I will be doing and help professors with the lectures. I want to create network among practitioners, industrialists, students, and researchers from all over the world. I want to initiate research based industry which rarely occurs in Indonesia. In This way, the education and industry partnership will not only occur between the USA and Indonesia, but also between both countries and other countries as well. Hopefully this kind of cooperation can be tightened and improved in the near future.

    #4840

    fee ay
    Member

    I don’t know why I must give critis for this essay. I just want to say is the content of the essay is very good. It’s describe the automotive Indonesian industri from the past to this new era. you say TIMOR and ESEMKA. It’s good development for our industri country. But, in other side, I want You make a promotion about Indonesia in other side. so, people Around The world not only know about TIMOR and ESEMKA, but the other stuff who can make Indonesian people proud of they’re country.

    #4841
    Veni Johanna
    Veni Johanna
    Member

    I don’t think the purpose of a study objective is to “promote” our country – it’s to promote your capabilities and your passion. I’d suggest to focus on your qualities rather than spending a lot of space talking about other things.

    just my two cents.

    #4844
    Martin Tjioe
    Martin Tjioe
    Member

    The personal statement contains many of the necessary components. You discuss about the motivation in 1st paragraph and articulate your experiences in the relevant field, your acquired skills, as well as your achievements. You also identify an area of research interest and finally establish long-term objectives and talk about your professional aspiration. In short, this personal statement has a nice structure and have included many essential components. Here are my two cents of how it can be improved:

    - Similar to previous commentors, I feel that the motivation in the first paragraph is too long. Furthermore, it would be more appropriate to put the focus on the manufacturing industry (and thus CAM) by highlighting its unprecedented need and projected growth through convincing statistics. ESEMKA can be the supporting argument for this need instead of the main focus of the paragraph.

    - Paragraph three is certainly informative but it does not say much about yourself, so my suggestion is to trim it and make it shorter without compromising its essential message.

    - In paragraph 4, when you write “The aim for my doctoral study is to continue this research..”, it sounded too specific as I thought that you will insist on using the gauss-bonnet method, spherical image and fuzzy geometry for your PhD research. It would sound more general if you write “The aim for my doctoral study is to add more characteristics and recognition techniques, and to do some real implementations”, omitting a small part in the sentence. Note that each professor has his/her own research focus and strength, and while they are willing to explore new topics, it is unlikely that they try a completely novel field unless it is something that they already have in mind. Thus, keeping an intended area of research general either by listing a few of your possible research topics or by stating a broader research area is a good idea.

    - Along the line of the previous comment, if you have not already found professors working in the general area of your research, make sure you do so before applying. If you find a professor who you think is a good fit with your interest, contact him/her and try to establish some relationship.

    - First half of paragraph 5 (up to “This is also what I would exactly do in the US.”) can be omitted because it does not flow well with the paragraph before and it is not a trait worth highlighting (in my opinion, this is not something unique). It also distracts the reader from the second half, which I find interesting and say something unique about yourself.

    #4845

    Overall, this study objective is very good and with all inputs from Veni, Panji and Martin, it can only be better. However, I would like to add that based on my experience applying to graduate school, you might need to tailor your study objective with why you want to study at a specific university, not just a country. For example, whether you have a couple professors in that university that you are interested in working with and/or other aspects of the university that can help you getting the most of your graduate school experience. Show that you have done your homework!! Try to be not too broad but also not too specific.

    I hope this helps =D

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